You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
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he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
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He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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