I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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