im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
They took my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize