I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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