is your mom at the bar?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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