he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
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So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
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to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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