dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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