my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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