I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize