At least make sure they are 18
Why
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You're like the curious george of whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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