hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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