What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize