need another drink. this is the easiest way
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
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We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
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why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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