1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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