Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize