I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize