I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
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Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
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Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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