I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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