I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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