Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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