is your mom at the bar?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
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just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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