i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize