I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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