You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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