the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize