Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
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This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
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Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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