I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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