pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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