you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
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Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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