if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
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she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
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Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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