shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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