Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
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I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
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You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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