is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Is Oprah even human
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize