they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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