Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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