i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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