I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
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i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
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