We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
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IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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