And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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