of course. lets lasso hookers.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
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I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
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Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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