She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
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Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
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just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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