too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
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When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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