On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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