the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize