This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
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Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
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When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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