i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
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Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
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That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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