I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just tell him i said nine months
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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