She is in my trunk
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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