I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize