i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize