Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
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He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
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No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize