the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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